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|Friday, August 8th, 2008|
|from two days ago
The many-fingered spine of a codfish
is floating in our soup.
its body across a liquid chasm
the chest space, weightless
a field of blueberries
This is the aching heart of dissonance:
an army of chairs across an empty dining room.
Where our world is the ice chest of clandestine moments;
peach fuzz, in all of its familiar forms.
The butter knife; our foreign friend
unused in a drawer where
I am the dust-mote
I am the splinter.
|poem from yesterday
lucid or lustrous
tangine and customed
a filament. firmament
the straggler, the swing set
the kingdom where we met
a sandbox of promises
bagels and loxes
holes in the toes of our 8-year-old soxes
measured and metered
tottered and teetered
we were the future
we were the threshold
and then were the hand-holding
later you were the liar
and i was a snit
we all were in dancehalls
doing the twist
the tango, the mango
the mint, a martini.
then, the length of my skirt
was a little 'unseemly'.
So here's to the decadence
here's to the dancing
here's to our fluttered
Now 15 years later
through handfuls of lusting
I'll give you my sugar
if only a dusting.
flotilla or pheromone,
straw or blackberry scone.
This, a post-coital morning
oh, honey just one thing...
you have or you don't.
you will or you won't.
the most secret handshake
a bed linen landscape
where there's only one thing
that I'd like to do
and baby, baby, baby,
A friend of mine whom i had my senior poetry workshop with was talking to me about poetry about a week ago, and how once we both got out of that class we pretty much stopped writing entirely. he asked me what he should do one night that didnt cost any money and i told him to write a poem. he said he couldnt, he wasnt inspired, so i gave him a list of ten random words to form into a poem. since then (its only been about three days) we have been giving each other ten words a day, and we are supposed to sit down and create a rough poem out of them. im not sure ive really done anything good yet, but ive got three now from the past three days, and how crappy it is doesnt worry me, cuz it feels really good to just be writing again and making time in my life to do something that feels good and calming to me. so from now on, im going to post my shitty poems here. some of them are a bit eccentric, and the punctuation is horrible, so bear in mind that these are exercises, and have not been edited and were mostly written in one sitting.... heres todays.
I’m older, unfettered, the fires still smolder
The pristine, the promise,
your eyes are ferocious.
Oh, baby it still stings
We never exchanged rings
Our vows were all slander, each promise
Meandered a little bit farther
The house and the watch tower
Paramount and paravail
Your eyes chasing each tail we
Saw on the street
Each stranger we didn’t meet
The meat at the market
Two crimson inches of lace on the carpet
The stretch and the string, and oh!
How it stings yet.
I sit here and write
This as if any word might
be concise. The
ink slinger, the word artist.
Shall I be more precise?
Each slander of fingers still cuts
As a knife
Each dalliance another plague to my life.
The eye of the brainstorm, now
Existing only in my greatest form.
And you? Only the norm.
The girl in shop windows.
The house and its shadow
Her posturing supine.
what you give was once just mine.
The bundle of roses, the lilies, the lupines.
The garden of eatin’:
I’m paying, you’re cheating.
And I can’t be quite sure now,
Where it is that you’re sleeping.
|Thursday, July 3rd, 2008|
I say, fuck the chaste things
the promises we keep to ourselves
slowly, cautiously, not without love
the spidering fingers
the tangle of breath
the face pressed into the cave of the hips
a split-stop moment of our bodies unspecifics
dressed only in the salty slip of july
each hair standing at attention as
each blade of grass falls to cushion
today our lips are the timestamp of loneliness
the secrets held in sweaty knee pits
and the promise of tomorrows bruises
betrayed only to ourselves
by the stain of dirty elbows.
|Friday, March 28th, 2008|
i cant even pretend that today wasnt aweful. it was the worst day i can remember having in about five years straight, and ive had some really bad days.
I ended up in the emergency room this morning with both of my eyes swollen almost completely shut. i started calling people for a ride to the hospital when is tarted completely losing my vision. it took me eight phonecalls to find anyone willing to drive me there. by the time mrs richards showed up i couldnt see anything at all, just blurry colors and a little bit of light. The doctors didnt have an answer for what was causing my infection to be so out of control. it should have gotten better after i started the antibiotics and eyedrops, and intsead it got worse. they gave me new eyedrops thinking maybe i was allergic to the first set, and because it was the excessive mucus causing the blindness, they washed my eyes out over and over again with some sort of medicated solution until eventually they were clear enough for me to see again.
they sent me home and told me i shouldnt drive anywhere for at least 24 hours, because of the poor vision, and that i wasnt allowed to sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time, cuz every time i would sleep the mucus seeping out of my eyes would dry and seal them shut, and my eyes were continuing to produce it which was causing a huge pressure buildup inside my eye that they thought might cause permanent damage and possible loss of site.
Dave is in Richmond and i have spent the past eighteen hours totally terrified and alone, unable to sleep, and unable to do anything because i cant see or drive my car.
i know, right now, that all of the people i thought were my friends a month ago are out having fun on a friday night, and not a single one of them is thinking of me. i cant see properly, and my eyes are swollen halfway shut and im scared. i feel like a fucking idiot and all i want is to not have to be alone
|Wednesday, March 5th, 2008|
not sure the burning was a bad thing. nope. not sure at all.
|Sunday, March 2nd, 2008|
somehow all of the bridges burned behind my back?
|Wednesday, February 20th, 2008|
|Monday, February 18th, 2008|
|It's a little hard to believe
getting called cute four times in a day
when there's one less friend again,
and no money to pay the rent,
the house isn't clean
and all the projects you promised three months ago still aren't finished or delivered.
and it's hard to get out of bed in the morning, when even though you've pushed the covers off, the weight of the world is so much heavier.
|Sunday, February 17th, 2008|
feels a little like drowning.
|Thursday, February 14th, 2008|
|well, it wouldnt be valentines day
if it didnt suck a little, right?
couldnt work today. no one likes to take a day off on valentines day in elementary school.
cut out the quilt i was supposed to have made for my moms birthday months ago,
showered, put on ridiculous valentine clothes,
post office to mail valentines to extraneous relatives, penpals, etc,
went to wc to cover for an out of town coworker,
delivered owls into mailboxes, made people smile. felt a little better.
came home to a house demolished by a somewhat well intentioned landlord.
sewed quilt pieces together.
ate gross frozen chicken strips by myself for dinner since my best friend has wrongly decided to be pissed at me for stupid reasons.
now i am waiting for theresa to get out of work so i can have a place to be a feel a little less lost. Current Mood: anxious
|Friday, February 1st, 2008|
here's to wishing mutuality was a little less absent...
|Saturday, January 19th, 2008|
|First poem since prague...
slick yellow the
path between doorsteps the
lint in your navel cave
a hand reaching past midnight and
into the fearless, helpless
grasp of tomorrow.
For this to be
the smooth brown
curve of an avocado
heart in the chest
space of my palm.
Thin wires of smoke
each strand of hair
in a bar full of faces
nameless, first night of the year.
Or the hard ache of January
paving absence into years.
well it isnt good, but i havent written in months, and i think its time to get back into it. We'll see where it leads. or doesnt. who cares? I am finally becoming myself, and its good.
|Thursday, January 17th, 2008|
| generally speaking
things that begin in lies, do not end in happiness.
For you, I am sorry, for me, I am not.
things are crazy. hanging in there though. had first grade class yesterday and totally rocked it. Had four teachers approach me as I was leaving and tell me I was the best sub their school has had in at least three years, and not a single kid went home without giving me a hug. so, a little less worried about work, a little more worried about the family disaster. thank you to the people that are helping me hang in there.
am almost done with my new hat that will have sparkly hot pink heart shaped earflaps. you will be jealous. I will be pleased. am excited to maybe see leah tonight, and excited for movies with theresa on friday. some things are messy. some things are good.
|Tuesday, January 15th, 2008|
more family and other extraneaous disaster last night.
not sure how much more of this i can handle.
am very, very happy that both theresa and dave exist right now.
|Monday, January 7th, 2008|
i dislike it when qualities pertaining to poor character appear in people I consider to be my closest friends.
I dislike the type of person who only falls in love with people who are otherwise attached.
love should not be self serving. stealing someone elses boyfriend or girlfriend never ends well.
people I deeply care about are treading in dangerous waters. this makes me sad, and worried.
ronen! are you there? are you having a magnificent birthday party that i might be invited to this year?
everyone please wish me well, I am applying for my dream job tomorrow morning. i know i wont get it, but a girl can hope, right? *fingers crossed*
|Tuesday, December 18th, 2007|
i graduated from college on saturday. i didnt know people got graduation presents? i got some, and they are totally awesome. my aunt bobbie in portland sent me a red leather coach wallet. its real. it came in a coach box with a coach ribbon and coach tape. its really beautiful, and im afraid to use it. it might be the most expensive thing i own besides my car and my computer. my parents bought me the most beautiful koi plates from anthroplogie. i cant wait to have a fancy dinner party and use them.
because of me, two of my favorite people in the world are now dating. they are adorable and it makes me really happy to see them so happy.
in old news, i made fourteen outfits in three months and had my senior fashion show this fall. it turned out AWESOME, and i was able to sell a bunch of stuff and take a bunch of orders after the show. With the help of a really good friend my new website (woollymammothdesign.com) is in the progress of being built, and should launch sometime later this week with a gallery and a fully functioning store on it.
I went to the Bernina National Teacher Reunion in chicago a few weekends ago and it was amazing. i got to play with thousands of dollars of the best sewing equiptment and technology on the market, and after pulling some strings, I drove to ann arbor yesterday to purchase a $1200 sewing machine and $400 worth of accessories for it for only $700 (my parents spilt the cost with me as a graduation present)
my family and friends threw me a really awesome graduation party. it was a lot of fun and i wouldnt have wished for antyhing about it to be different.
daves house is all decorated for christmas, and soon mine will be too.
oh! i won the sublime stitching holiday stichmas contest (or at least i got second place) out of like 200 entries. my shark attack jacket won, so I will have to post some pictures of that soon. I won a $50 gift certificate to sublime stitching, a $50 gift basket from chronicle books, and a $50 gift bag from naughty secretary club. its pretty awesome. im hoping the luck continues and my poems will make it into the laureate this spring. that would be fun.
to make a long story short, things are awesome. im really happy. im going to go shower, play santa for a little while, and then spend the rest of the afternoon needle felting wool coats either to give as christmas gifts, or to sell on woolly mammoth.
if you want an amber annual after christmas card, leave me your address. or email it to me.
firstname.lastname@example.org Current Mood: awesome
|Monday, November 12th, 2007|
this might possibly be the best week ever.
pictures soon i promise.
|Thursday, November 1st, 2007|
|Wednesday, October 10th, 2007|
love is a four letter word.